Moonbeams & Dragonsongs

• p3--sum up
• p9-counting the stars--what are his feelings about losing the moon and the stars
• david wants to bring it to eruuf
• how/where to market it -- too short for a book, too long for a short story
• a few cliches to squash
• "and so"-- overused?
• disc'n of other titles
• mindfulness with his superior vision

 

Grandma story

• parallels -- past and future
• how old is gail? where does she live? whose house is jerry taking her to?
• WHY IS SHE HERE?
• are gail's questions more for the reader's benefit?
• why does this happen tody? what's spurring on this action?
• wouldn't she know about this family history before now?
• what impression did i want to make? need a stronger voice?
• not a strong impression--is it a story? nothing's clarified with granny's revelation
• momentum
• blurred
• intro jerry earlier? why is jerry picking her up here?
• ages of children--significance of the compression of events
• dialogue is interviewesque
• pacing drags till the bombshell
• no character descriptions--ages?
• objects appear and disappear from nowhere
• Food Network
• close 3rd with Gail -- details are visual, not emotional language