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Page history last edited by PBworks 14 years, 2 months ago

Moonbeams & Dragonsongs

  • p3--sum up
  • p9-counting the stars--what are his feelings about losing the moon and the stars
  • david wants to bring it to eruuf
  • how/where to market it -- too short for a book, too long for a short story
  • a few cliches to squash
  • "and so"-- overused?
  • disc'n of other titles
  • mindfulness with his superior vision


Grandma story

  • parallels -- past and future
  • how old is gail? where does she live? whose house is jerry taking her to?
  • are gail's questions more for the reader's benefit?
  • why does this happen tody? what's spurring on this action?
  • wouldn't she know about this family history before now?
  • what impression did i want to make? need a stronger voice?
  • not a strong impression--is it a story? nothing's clarified with granny's revelation
  • momentum
  • blurred
  • intro jerry earlier? why is jerry picking her up here?
  • ages of children--significance of the compression of events
  • dialogue is interviewesque
  • pacing drags till the bombshell
  • no character descriptions--ages?
  • objects appear and disappear from nowhere
  • Food Network
  • close 3rd with Gail -- details are visual, not emotional language

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